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It's been too long.
I wanted to post so many things. I wanted to write, just for the sake of writing. I'm feeling unsuccessful lately. I have that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I can't do these things I want to do. I want to write. You aren't very good at that! I want to make and sell Spa products, like lip balm, bath salts, lotion bars and hand made soap. You never sell enough of what you already have listed! That negative, nagging voice just keeps going. How do you turn it off?! How do I make it stop?! Is it really just me? Is it me just doubting myself? I have a long history of depression. That dark place a mind can wonder off to... And never come back. I usually come back, but if you have been reading my blog posts over the years then you know what I have been dealing with for over 2 years now. Lack of income, infertility, arguments and disagreements with my mom... The usual events in the average 30 year old's life. Yep. WAIT! I just said 30 year old! Yes, I am turning 30 in a month and 6 days. I could list all the things I don't have but want out of 30 years of life... But I really don't want to. It would turn into 2 hours of me typing and sobbing. Instead I will make a list of all the things my household needs to keep my family happy, healthy and well fed! So, basically not a Christmas list , but a "some day when I have a million dollars" kind of list.

-A loft style bed for my son. He asked for a bunk bed, but he doesn't have a sibling to share a bunk bed with yet.

-A new mattress for me and my husband. My back hurts, my hip hurts and I can't always sleep through the night. Our mattress is the culprit. A nice bed fine with a headboard wouldn't hurt either. Also, a new bedding set would be great too.

-A new set of non-stick frying pans. Our current set might even be older than my son, we inherited them from the friend my husband was subletting from. I can't even make fried potatoes anymore, everything sticks to the pans! Actually, a nice canning pot would be great... Maybe even a set of stock pots too.

-A real Blendtech blender. The Ninja my mom got me for Christmas a few years ago is way too hard to clean and I accidentally tore up the inside of the plastic pitcher which makes it even harder to clean.

-Lego storage solution. What we have going on now is not working.

-New rain boots for all of us. Also, my kiddo needs new every day shoes. His current two pairs are most too small AND pretty tore up.

-Gabe really wanted to continue Teakwando but we couldn't afford the discounted rate. $75 registration fee and $125 every month. We can barely keep us fed, I just couldn't pay for it after his GATE class was over.

-More drive to continue my crafting blog. I didn't stop crafting but I did stop blogging. I don't always remember to take nice top quality photos with my husband'a DSLR camera. I don't always have something to write about either. "I knitted a hat, then I wrapped it and sent it to my father-in-law. The End!" Doesn't make a great blog post, does it?

-Rain coats and heavy winter coats for all of us. I have a nice wool pea coat, but it needs a trip to the dry cleaners. Yesterday my son asked if he could get a "heavy coat" since winter is coming. I wish I could get him a nice thick coat. For now he gets the whole "tee-shirt, long sleeve shirt, sweater, hoodie" style layering. If his legs are cold I just have him put pajama pants on under his pants. It only gets down to 30 degrees during the day during the winter and it doesn't snow here.

-Some new kitchen utensils would be great. Not split wooden spoons, spatula/flipper that isn't partially melted, another pair of tongs. It's not a lot of stuff, but it's hard to find sturdy ones.

-A car. We have been without one for almost two years. I miss grocery shopping in around an hour, not 3-4 hours with a suitcase on the bus. I miss shopping worry-free of bus schedules and getting home in time to pick up my kid after school. I think two years without proves that we don't need it but I miss the convince.

-A computer for my son. I don't mean he gets an iPad, I mean he gets a Raspberry Pi of his own to learn coding and build his own games.

-To go with the last one, my kid would need a desk and desk chair. Maybe even as part of his loft bed. I found a great loft bed/desk combo online, but it's well over $200 before shipping. I would rather pay more for a higher quality bed/desk than settle on a cheap one that causes injury. They just don't make beds as sturdy as they use to.

I'm sure there are more things to add to that list, but I have typed an awful lot and it's bed time. Hopefully it won't be a year before my next post.


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