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Dear Body:
What the fuck? I mean... I have regular cycles for years and years then... irregularity. How fun. I can't count on every 28 days, or every 21 days. I stop taking birth control and now I have 3-7 weeks between periods. Is it misscarriages? Is it an ovarian cyst? Am I dying of cancer?! It's scary not knowing. It's a rollercoaster ride I don't want to ride. It's been 7 weeks and 4 days since I had a period. Light cramping, no bleeding or spotting, sore boobies, headaches, that pukie feeling... Until today. Today spotting can be added to all of the other stuff. I called and set up an appointment with my lady-parts-medical-professional last week. I see a midwife, doctors are icky. Even if I have wicked crazy heavy flow I am still going to see my midwife this week. I knida want to know why I went from a 21 day cycle to going 4 weeks, 3 weeks, 5 weeks and now 7 1/2 weeks(if this isn't just spotting) between periods. Negative home tests and more than 28 days between periods seems suspicious to me. I just want to know what's going on. The scariest thing is not knowing what's going on inside your body.

So I start this new year full of anxiety, frightened but not alone. Doesn't matter if it's some life-ending-illness, I have someone by my side to fight through it. Yeah, I know, that's a little negative, but I'd rather expect the worst and be over-joyed by the best. It's way more devastating when you expect the best and get the worst.


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